Friday, 3 August 2012

How to be cool and attractive

Ever wondered how to be cool and attractive? Let Human Givens therapist Chris Dyas share the secret...

“Do you know the old story about the Sun and the North Wind having a bet about which one of them could get some guy to take his coat off? Well, the North Wind had a go and blew his hardest, but the guy just clung to his coat with all his strength. But all the Sun had to do was shine and the guy took off his coat because he was too hot. Truly ‘cool’ people shine a kind of calm control that everyone else secretly wants, and so they find it attractive..” 

“The Art of Being Cool and Attractive,” is a social skills method designed to help develop an approach to others that will attract the right amount of the right kind of positive attention.

It is an exerpt from an article in our Journal archive that I thought deserved a little more attention.

 The ‘art’ is contained in ten laws. How well do you follow them?

 1. Learn to do with less attention than you would like at the moment

 2. Do not compete with other people for attention

 3. Say less than is necessary

 4. Learn to behave well from those who don’t know how to

 5. Do not ‘freeload’ or overstay your welcome

 6. Never whine

 7. Appear unhurried

 8. Be different — but not too different

 9. Appear not to want things you cannot have

 10. Exercise courtesy and tact at all times.

Creating ‘cool’ 
Chris Dyas is a Human Givens Therapist working for a children’s charity which provides help for children who have suffered severe abuse. He introduces the Art of Being Cool and Attractive to the young people he works with in order to help them get their emotional needs met in healthy ways. He has been applying the human givens approach to his work for the past six years.
 “Andy placed a lot of importance upon being ‘cool’. He liked my idea that he might become the coolest member of his group, because, if he were the coolest, he would not feel the need to be ‘led’ anywhere — instead he would be doing the leading and his mates would want to follow. 
“Have you noticed that the coolest people do not seem to have to put any effort into it?” I asked. 
“Yeah, it’s like people just want to be with them,” agreed Andy. 
“I think this is because there is a big difference between attracting attention and seeking attention.” I said.” 
You can read the whole of Chris’s article in our old HGI archive, where he describes how he teaches troubled children how to hold their own among their peers in a healthy way: “It’s what right with you that fixes what’s wrong.

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